Community Chat: How Can I Become Healthier?

Asked by Emery W. 

Let me start off by saying that I love myself. I made sure of that before making myself available for anyone to love me. Which is probably why I stayed perpetually single for so long. I know what I want, and won’t settle for anything less. Never have, and I probably never will.

With that being known, I visited the gynecologist for an issue that lots of women have; irregular periods. I’m usually pretty normal, but for the first time ever, I completely missed one cycle, and was over a week late for another. My first thought was, “Oh no, I’m pregnant!” An unplanned pregnancy, while a blessing, wasn’t something I ever imagined happening to me (hence the term unexpected). Alas, after four negative pregnancy tests, I knew there was a bigger problem.

I went through all of the options in my head; hormone imbalance, fertility issues, infertility, ovarian cysts. None of them sounded glamorous, but being the worry wart that I am, I had to find out. The night before my appointment I started spotting. Phew! My visitor was about to arrive. But still, I had to go see the doctor to see what the hold up was.

I get there, and the nurse has me do a urine sample, and has me weighed (more on that later). I then get a pap smear, and let me tell you ladies, I was not prepared for that. Oh my word, it was one of the most uncomfortable sensations I’d ever felt. After that, a blood test and vaginal sonogram, all of which turned up nothing. So what was the problem?

Let’s go back to when the nurse took my weight. The scale showed me a number I’d never seen before. 339. I stepped on the scale, and I currently weigh 339 lbs. This is the first time in 25 years of living that I’ve felt ashamed of my weight. I have always been a big girl; taller, wider, all-around bigger than everyone else. I’ve tried dieting, eating healthy, and physical activity yet none of them worked. Mostly because deep down I didn’t want them to work. I could still march, and I wasn’t confined to my bed, or to a wheel chair so I didn’t think it was a problem.

Now that I’m in a committed relationship, and surrounded by friends who love me, and accept me for who I am, I have had no desire whatsoever to lose weight. I’ve been happy. With the body positivity movement rampant, I began taking pride in my full figure, not thinking of my health, or taking into account warnings from doctors that I’m never too young to have a heart attack or a stroke.

Not only am I genetically prone to cysts, and diabetes is a running problem in my family, I’m now experiencing problems with my cycle that could lead to fertility issues. Children are definitely a part of my future, and as shallow as this sounds, I want to have a baby belly to show off.

A symptom of my anxiety is the tendency to stress, and when I stress I eat. I eat when I’m bored, I eat when I go out, I eat just to have something occupying my hands while I watch TV. I’ve always known that it has been a problem, but now I’m ready to look at myself and actually see that I need to be healthy. I need to lose the weight. I don’t want to be a skinny Victoria’s Secret model, my body’s not built for that. I want to be healthy.

So, I’m opening up the floor to responses and suggestions. I’m not afraid to say that I need help. I love myself, but I need to love my healthy self first? Leave a comment below!