Why Transparency In Relationships Should Be The Next Trend
by Kirsten Renee
Let me kick this off with this one disclaimer, I am a very self centered and detached young woman. I mind my business, I build my business and for the most part I keep to myself. So with that being out there; it's difficult for me to connect with folks on a romantic level sometimes. I think of myself as the millennial Samantha Jones mixed with Ginger Foutley and Khadijah James. I am a loud mouthed, sexually fluid, non exclusive, emotionally honest writer who at times (read: all the time) is a filthy scoundrel. That in itself makes me a wildcard in the dating world,
Relationships have NEVER been my forte, growing up I had adolescent flings, and unrealistic love but that's normal. In my adulthood I haven't given relationships much thought, I see connections with people as a unfair expectation of what I'm supposed to do. I have very strict rules when it comes to dating me that I have ZERO plans on changing.
- Don't waste my time.
- Communication is EVERYTHING to me.
- I'm not about to chase your stupid ass.
- Keep my creative side intrigued.
I don't ask for much, I don't ask that you even spend all of your time with me. Why is it so hard to find companions that can understand those things? It's annoying to me that I'm extremely upfront and honest about who I am to people when we meet. Yet I've learned over the years, through countless situationships and relationships that people are never who they say they are. Ulterior motives is what every person seems to have, and for that I have to call bullshit. If you're going to pursue someone be fucking honest about who you are up front. I feel like our entire generation of dating adults treats dating and relationships like a fucking tinder bio. Stop giving folks your dating resume full of lies and let people actually SEE the real you. We treat dating as if we're applying for a job, which in a way we are. However, there are people like myself who prefer to know off top what kind of deal they're getting into.
I'm quick to quit a space that no longer serves my spirit, which means I will easily quit a partner for not fulfilling me. Does that make me a bitch? Maybe? Probably, but I'm okay with that. I'm a non monogamous type of chick, I have different relationships with different individuals. However the rules still apply; The vibe must be right, the conversation has to be real, and my creativity has to be fed. Communicating is a big part of that, and at this point I wonder if the rest of the 20 somethings know that. From personal experience it just seems like everyone is out to play a role, and I'm just not with the shits like that. Just talk to each other, be OPEN and HONEST about your intentions, explain how you love and let people know how you like to be loved.
It's interesting to me that the realest of the real have the most to hide when it comes to emotions and human to human contact. Am I detached yes, but in a way that I am still able to love deeply. I am detached from the nonsense that this world brings because I choose to live in the world that I created for myself. Emotionally I am as transparent as a freshly windexed window, and I prefer my partners be the same way. In my older years I have chosen to embrace my feelings and love language to their fullest potential. I honor the way I love in a way that is full of grace and purpose. Which is why I am so frustrated with dating, why is it so hard for grown ass people to be honest about their feelings?
Relationships don't have to be hard, and they don't have to follow this strict guideline that has been taught to us. Just listen to your partner(s)! Pay attention to what potential bae's tell you, the first few weeks of a situationship/relationship are the MOST important. That's when you lay the groundwork and figure out if you and this person are compatible. The problem with millennial dating is that no one is listening, everyone is just on the move all the time. When is the last time you asked your partner what they wanted out of a relationship? That question doesn't just pertain to romantic partnerships either, ask everyone in your life about what they want out of a relationship with you.
It's time we start getting serious about the type of energy we surround ourself with, and how we allow folks to treat us. An open discussion can go far, because by doing that you're telling people that you have expectations (WHICH EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE!). You have to be able to open up the lines of communication because if not, you're going to forever find yourself in a predicament with folks who think it's okay to not play by your rules. Don't settle for less than what you feel like you deserve. Compromising your OWN rules just to appease others isn't a look, and it's something that can be easily fixed. What are your personal rules that you feel you've allowed to people to break at your expense? Figure that out, and then start making the conscious choice of checking folks.
Transparency from the start will save you AND your partners a lot of trouble later on down the road. Relationships don't HAVE to be complicated, life isn't always a fucking game, and at the end of the day. . . Always put yourself first.
peace and blessings.