Is Closure Really Necessary?

by Kirsten F. 

 photo credit Scene via Google

photo credit Scene via Google

If you haven't seen the video of the ex couple sitting face to face and openly talking about how cheating affected their relationship watch it HERE  .  

**** THERE ARE SPOILERS AFTER THIS ****

 Photo Credit Google 

Photo Credit Google 

 

I first saw this video (that has now gone viral as #HurtBae ) Wednesday morning while I was scrolling down twitter.  I was intrigued because how many people are willing to confront their ex about what went wrong in their relationship. There they were face to face, the young woman sat nervously staring at the guy who broke her heart. She asked him why he cheated, how many times he cheated, question after question. He answered honestly and even when she started to cry he didn't even blink. Most people thought that by him remaining "emotionless"  he didn't care about her. I too thought that until, I remembered my own situations like this. I've been on both sides of the spectrum the one crying, and the one sitting in complete silence. What this video represents is the grey area of love; Society has conditioned us to believe that love is simple, it's black and white, and it comes with a checklist. Society is very, very WRONG about everything when it pertains to relationships.  

I think everyone focused on her reactions and how she felt, which on the surface is what we would focus on.  Yet when we looked at him the one who caused the hurt, I don't think many people saw that he was also hurt. He hurt himself, because they were good friends and he knows he messed up. Cheating isn't excusable, it also isn't something to be shunned either.  

(I'm sure I pressed a nerve saying that.) 

 Photo Credit Google

Photo Credit Google

 

Hear me out though, remember when I said love is the grey area? Well here's why, people cheat to escape their current situations, to get revenge, or just because they simply can not contain the amount of love they give. There are a plethora of reasons, but for some people it truly is just who they are. Some people (myself included) are non-monogamous, which means we are more comfortable vibing with different people. Being that is FINE, and so is wanting to be committed.  However, those two don't match up because a person who has no desire to be monogamous isn't going to be.   When it comes to relationships/situationships/etc sometimes we tend to put ourselves with people who do not match our needs.  That's okay, not everyone is meant to vibe with each other like that.  I don't think Kourtney or Leonard were ever on the same page, which in retrospect isn't the best place to be with someone.  I do believe they both loved each other though, because people can have multiple versions of love with the same person. For them I think they definitely had a friendship outside of their relationship, which is why when he asked her why she stayed, Kourtney said "because you're my best friend". 

"People thought that by him remaining "emotionless"  he didn't care about her. "

Having two different types of relationships with the same person can work, if everybody is on the same page. Honesty will ALWAYS save you in the long run, and I don't mean just being honest to your partner(s). I mean being honest to yourself, because we ALL know when we're fucking up. Whether we're doing the hurting or being hurt in relationships, you have to forgive yourself.  Self forgiveness is most important because, you can't expect someone to forgive you for hurting them. Never demand someone's forgiveness because it isn't yours to have unless they want you to. I think Kourtney forgave him because he was her best friend, but I think after having that conversation she forgave herself. 

To answer the question "is closure necessary?" the answer will be it depends on the person. Some people need that conversation, and some don't.  It's perfectly fine to not need conversations with people that you no longer talk to.  However, it's always best to just be completely honest up front about your intentions.  That saves a lot of wasted time, and confusion. 

Be blessed.